Sunday, August 27, 2006
24th aug
my oral ended.. raymond give her my diary.. raymond say she din have any reaction and she din said anything to mi too.. weird.. nearing exam.. she asked mi out to study.. it was as if return to the old days when jus we 2 at kovan mac.. she nd my help and like to depend on mi.. jus world of we 2, happily.. but.. instead.. ppl come too.. sian half.. taught her things.. after tt i went home.. din like tt feeling.. why cant god jus let mi be with her even is jus a small session outside mac teaching.. haiz...
25th aug
was the sem exam.. although we were having same paper.. but din see each other cos at other room.. i was missing her.. hope to see her.. but in the end din see her.. after tt went home.. damn bored.. feel like asking her out.. but din noe wad to do.. so jus sleep all the way.. zzzz
26th aug
got alunmi co pract in sch.. din attend.. cos tired.. slept till 12plus den wake up.. dey went ps.. watch movie.. angie was there too.. hmm.. i feel the urge to fly there.. but.. but.. i tink she wun even care whether i am there a not.. so wad i go.. no big deal.. will be with xx.. maybe i am being selfish cos i wan her to be mine.. but tt the way of love.. i wan her to care for mi.. i wan her to zai hu mi.. but is it goin to come true? after tt dey coming back to play.. waited for their call until sleepy liao.. in the end slept until 10pm plus.. dun nd to go play liao.. den forget it.. zzzz.. missing u...
27th aug
today.. dey went study.. for duno wad reason i went.. doing nth there.. angie was there too.. she was listening to mp3 and reading book.. jus sitting beside mi.. hmm... feel like talking to her.. but din noe wad to say.. so remain silent.. after a while she ask mi abt the exam.. talk awhile.. den she go back do her own things.. after tt went to buy meal to eat.. like usual she always like to smile at mi, kop my fries and drinks.. jus like old times.. we din have a barrier between us.. jus 2 person.. happily.. she asked mi to help her buy drinks.. like last time.. depend on mi alot.. it gives mi the feeling tt she is the gal who i should use my entire life to let her happy, protect her and be there for her always.. jus like wad my classmates says.. she is jus like the princess in my life.. it's becoming like last time.. y is it lidat? she noe tt i still like her mah? or she forget it le, jus treat nth has happen? i want to have her as my girlfriend.. the one and only and LAST till my life ends...........
Monday, August 07, 2006
actaully feel like blogging out so long ago.. i tink i jus cant let go.. i feel the pain.. aching heart.. everytime i saw her, i wanted to shout angie, ilu.. but i noe i cant.. how i wish i can return to the past.. start everything afresh.. start to get close to her in the name of love.. for now, i really feel like telling her can we start afresh? from now on let mi take care of you, understand you.. can i woo u? we drifting away.. further and further away.. i wan to use my life to make u happy, protect u, give u wadever u wan.. ilu.. but u noe? haiz..
Friday, August 04, 2006
the dark sky.. it looks like goin to rain.. but it din.. jus like what i am feeling.. say i dun care but i care lots.. say i dun love but i love lots.. everything is contradictary in my world.. even the sky in my world.. is tis the difference between happy and sad?
changed the blog address.. dun wan ppl to read.. i wan to love her but i cant.. i wan to let go but it seems difficult.. paining.. who noes? when i need someone by mi, there is nobody.. cold cold cold.. brr.. i still rmb what u told mi once' i will be there for u' really true? i jus hope u will be happier than ever after i am gone.. maybe is destined.. i duno wad to type le.. xin hen luan.. empty heart.. jus like the vodoo lying motionlessly..
argument between heart and organs
one day, 3 friends namely heart, gastrics and arm came together. they quarrelled. their conversation as the following>
gastrics: my owner din give mi food on time.. make me so pain ar..
arm: no lo.. tt wan not pain de lo.. eat nia.. my owner bang mi against the slide.. blue black liao.. tis wan den is really pain ar..
heart: aiya.. u all dun nd to argue de lah.. those pain u all experiencing is jus physical but wad i am experiencing is emotional.. i am the one who experience real pain.. =(
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Sleeptalking...ZzZ.....
'心好痛. 说不爱你,其实很爱你. 说不想你, 其实很想你. 说不理你, 其实很再乎你. 好想把你留在生边, 但不敢对你说. 这种感觉你懂吗? 相思真苦.'
*ywan* woke up le.. had a deep deep sleep.. having a sweet dream.. but everything turned out opposite..
lst thing
time----> every second
place---> everywhere
purpose--> for her
motive---> hope she will like it
2nd thing
time---->afternoon
place----> comics connection
purpose---> for her
motive----> let her be independent, dun resign to fate, dun like ur prediction, fight for it!
3rd thing
time--->midnight
place---> my bed
purpose---> for her
motive----> wan her to understand
4th thing
time---> evening
place---> hg mall
purpose---> for her
motive---> for her to eat since sch end so late
everything done with lots of effort.. din eat to save money for her present.. gastrics problem spranging up.. stay up late night folding.. all jus to hope she will get surprised and happy.. everything well arranged.. but turned out to be sian sian.. hmm.. nvm.. maybe i wasnt gd at surprising her.. tink she din notice tt 'special' crane in betweens the flocks of 99 cranes.. maybe there wun be a repeat of today's event. it would only live in memories.
after waking, several hours later.. dead..
lawyer read out the will..
WILL
Boi's will will be announce upon his death. 99% of his world's pocessions will be given to ger including his heart. 0.5% will be given to parents. 0.3 will be given to friends. The last 0.2% will be given to charity.
our fate ended.. maybe is pre-destined or is a prank tt god played on us.. from stranger to friend.. friend to almost love.. now back to nth.. is time to let go le.. but said is easier than done.. jus like pulling a knife out of ur chest.. i feel the pain.. listless.. restless.. moody.. sleepy... ZzZ...
3rd of aug, thursday.. i love u.. i miss u.. and lastly.. i left u............
