Friday, March 31, 2006
haha.. today went shao mu.. woke up at around 5plus.. den on the way to the cemetry.. was sleeping in uncle de van.. shao mu nth to say aso lah.. dun expect mi describle wad i doing there.. den went to serangoon garden have breakfast.. after tt go home le.. after tt at home watching vcd.. cannot tahan lah.. morning so early wake up.. veri tired.. den went to sleep until abt 2 plus.. wake up play a while maple den sian liao.. den proceed with plan.. i ask her for stead.. haha.. she nv reply.. den i msg back.. her ans was no.. say dun waste time.. i tink she took it for real.. kinda disappointed.. but nvm lah.. expected aso.. she went in tp and same course with mi.. if really mean to be together, nobody cannot separated dem de.. den i reply her it was actually april's fool.. duno she believe a not leh.. scare later she avoid mi or wad.. aiya.. hack care.. tink so much aso useless.. at home veri sian ar.. in conclusion, testing result was negative.. T.T FAILED!
31/3
today went out go give flyer.. she nv come cos busy.. den give until veri tiring lo.. go carpark.. den tt wan still small case.. the toopid chinatown square de carpark worse.. put finish liao den the security say cannot put.. have to take out all.. but dey confiscated.. aso gd l;ah.. left 1k plus flyer go home.. den go mac eat.. den eat until half nv notice her msg an hour before.. but still got reply her lo.. den on the way home, raymond called.. he goin hougang mall den ask mi acc.. so went to acc him for quite a while.. den he go home tt time, we went ruixiang house.. haha.. cassie aso there.. at his house do the same old things.. but mi and yb like really is rio vista de resident.. still can hi to security.. haha.. kinda miss her.. den saw her gd nite msg.. so long nv received from her liao.. haha.. den tml goin to shao mu le.. tot of an idea.. tml is april fool.. y not make use of the chance to test her.. hehe.. i aso prepare the msg liao lo.. haha.. tml den send.. go sleep le lah.. so late le.. tml have to wake up early.. nite nite..
hate or love? virtual or reality? Thursday, March 30, 2006
ytd 29/3
ytd was daniel de birthday.. went sentosa by cable car.. kinda exp.. broke liao.. actually wasnt tt bad.. sun taning.. but weather no gd.. rain.. haha.. at there, it reminds mi of sharon.. the same weather.. the same bridge.. the same place.. but things has changed.. bench wasnt there anymore.. the 7-11 store was renovated.. but the slurpee is still the same.. haiz.. but everything has changed.. it was not like 21st of june 2004.. angie kaijing raymond and daniel were there.. sun taning.. i aso taning.. but aso no use.. not dark at all wan.. but nvm lah.. it was a small case.. but the thing which makes mi sian was abt sharon.. forget abt her ba.. tt day angie aso didnt care for mi.. kinda lonely and quiet..
i really wish to ask how she feels for mi..
A.extra
B.friend
C.more than friend
D.job finder
E.spare friend
haiz.. she aso wun be able to ans.. cos she wun come here to read.. ytd wholeday she was giving mi a cold shoulder.. from tis moment i hate her..
today 30/3
ytd nite she say she got into tp den mi acc her go there ask today.. den today damn suay.. goin to meet her tt time kana bird shit.. wtf.. den went home to wash.. on the way home, she say maybe dun go liao.. anyway i aso at home.. so nvm lah.. den after a while she sms mi saying maybe go ask still better.. haha.. girls change their mind veri fast ba.. guess i am rite.. den meet her go tp.. but it didnt help anyway.. after tt go np withdraw.. den her father aso go.. i aso like so paiseh.. today through out the journey she was close with mi.. jus like the o level period when mi and her go poly open house.. after tt go back hougang meet yb give out flyer.. not really give out la.. putting into ppl de letter box.. haha.. very fast give finish liao.. after tt go hougang mall walk walk.. after tt went to vcd shop rent cd.. yb lend majong show den angie borrow series of shen diao xia lu.. today she was closed to mi.. jus the different of 0.0000000000001cm de distance.. from tis moment i love her and wan to be with her ..
jus 2 days i can hate her and love her to the extreme.. haiz.. is tis reality or all tis is jus virtual?
escape? nah... did not open today.. lol.. haiz.. Tuesday, March 28, 2006
today actaully wanted to go escape play and celebrate daniel's birthday.. but go until there.. nv open.. kinda disappointed aso.. k lah.. nvm.. den went ps.. daniel and yb playing ddr.. den after tt play deytona.. sian ar.. no mood to play.. after tt we spend hours at photo hunt.. kinda lame aso.. but quite fun.. gees.. around 7 plus den we went to have dinner at kfc.. while eating, a bunch of peeps behind us as was like as if dey gone bonkers, talking and laughing out loud.. like kfc their father own de.. sucks.. eat le den go home le.. although whole day she was there, i aso not close to her de.. unlike last time.. i feel as if she was drifting away from mi.. she was with daniel all the while.. am i jealous? i duno.. she dun care for mi much.. i asking myself repeatedly do i really like or even love her? if i do, wad should i do? i duno.. like wad raymond say.. better dun like her.. be friend with her can le.. my mind is in a whirl.. haiz.. den went hougang mall.. originally dey meeting daniel's friend den take neoprint de.. in the end no money.. nv take.. while goin down the escalator, she ask whether tml wan to go sentosa a not.. den i say shui bian lo.. meeting 10am tml morning.. tink muz set alarm liao if not comfirm plus guarantee, warranty and insurance chop chop cannot wake up.. den went home.. while walking home, i was tinking y i said shui bian when she asked.. feel regreted saying tt.. dun feel like goin.. it was jus like 21st of june 2004.. same venue same time.. except tt i am with another compancy.. i duno how i faced the place.. the convinient store.. the bench we shared.. the sencery we admired.. i really duno.. do i love she or her?
Monday, March 27, 2006
today went for movie.. dorm.. was a thai ghost movie.. but it was kinda lame aso.. quite regret watching.. waste my 7 bucks.. k la.. forget it lah.. jus a movie.. rui xiang was sick.. go went home right after movie.. actually today not much things happen.. den yb say tml maybe helping his bro giving out flyers.. yb says give out 5000.. i was like so shock.. i give out 250 aso sian liao.. den ask mi and yb each 2500.. wow.. is was at tajong pajar.. see how ba.. maybe later yb wil fill mi in with details.. erm.. today seldom contact her aso.. msg each other cos of job thing.. drifting further from her le.. feel quite strange.. duno whether is a gd thing or not.. aiya.. dun tink so much lah.. let natural takes the course.. si yb use the same blogskin as mi.. have to search again.. haha.. nvm lah.. find lo.. kill time aso.. hehe..
a today completed without her existence.. hehe.. Sunday, March 26, 2006
hehe.. today i totally nv contact her at all.. hehe.. shows i not really like her tt much yea? actually i spend half of my day sleeping lah.. cos consume some medicine.. woke up at around 9 den watch tv and play com until around 12 den go sleep until 2 plus.. yb ask mi wan to go ps arcade.. den say meet later.. so i continue sleeping until 345.. den yb say he reach liao.. den i change and go meet him.. reach ps around 430.. meet rx and mr and mrs tan.. haha.. should noe who lah.. ss and kc.. haha.. play arcade until like 7plus.. den go eat mac.. oh shit.. forget mum got cook lo.. den reach home aso need to eat.. no choice.. now veri full ar.. when i sign in msn.. she online.. den she chat with mi.. abt job... -.-lll maybe other than job she got nth to say to mi yea? perhaps perhaps perhaps.. den yik loong admit liao.. is meng yu.. haha.. hope he success ba.. dun follow my footsteps.. jio sharon=failure!! haiz.. until here lah.. si bei sian..
Saturday, March 25, 2006
i sms angie ask she got work tonight.. she replied mi so fast.. kinda happy.. but she jus replied' no..' like she bu shaung lidat.. maybe i tink too much ? or i am rite? i duno..
today's second bloging.. sian mah.. den write lo.. jus now actually wan to go cycle de.. but the sky seems dark and it rain after a while.. den we go hougang mall walk walk.. while walking, we was chatting abt vampire.. haha.. strange topic? maybe ba.. we was tink if we are vampires, would it be nice? like everytime can scare of those sickening ppl, or defend somebody u loved? even lived forever? have ultimate strength? quite nice though.. but is definately cannot be true.. jus our wishful tinking part.. lol.. the rain was short den yb and rx go my house.. tis time not all the time play maple.. yb help mi change blog skin and listen to songs.. not long after my sis came home, dey left.. now 1807 liao.. abt 2 hours more to 2000.. dun whether angie is goin to work at motorola there.. today mi and her seems so far.. it was unlike when we went disney on ice or sometimes went out with each other.. she was depending on mi.. laughters around.. so happy.. it seems so close.. the feelings she gave mi is like veri extreme.. dunno la.. cos i aso duno whether o like her or not.. maybe jus like wad sharon says' let fate decides' or ' let natural takes the course'.. tis 2 sentence suit ppl like mi, cant make decisions.. wait wait wait ba...
Friday, March 24, 2006
til now 1245 liao den can work.. wtf singnet is doing man!! call their customer service den keep holding holding and holding for ages.. si bei fuck up!!! den jus now my sis play maple for so long.. i wake up 9 lidat she playing liao.. comfirm not jus start de.. den playing none stop.. bitch!! I WILL BANNED HER FROM MAPLE!! KAN NI NA.. tis morning angie msg ask me wan to to motorola de work.. today and tml 8pm to 8am.. i at first wan de but she say her mum maybe dun let her den i sian 1/2 so nv do.. anyway i now aso sore throat and coughing.. dun do ba.. den went to buy straits times.. in the end.... the classified there de temp job was like half a row.. WTF.. diaos.. weekend should be a lot de lo.. waste my time and energy to go buy... sian.. rotting at home liao...
240306--- today morning... went giving flyers alone.. angie nv turned up.. forget it ba.. gave some to clara help to give.. after tt went home.. went back to sleep when reach home. after tt angie msged mi say today morning forget set alarm so nv go.. anyway she nv go was expected.. i aso din blame her cos even she come aso no $$.. after tt went to meet raymond and kaijing.. went bugis.. mean while angie and guo rong at np see laptop.. after bugis went kai jing house wrap present.. her mum was quite humourous.. awhile later we go kai jing house down stairs talk.. talk abt relationship.. say out go like who b4.. den raymond asked mi like angie a not.. i nv no i aso nv say yes.. half half ba.. i aso duno myself.. den when to kovan meet dem.. she still okok.. daniel,joyce, clara and ziyun aso came.. den went to eat yoshi.. ordering tt time raymond say ziyun.. zi yun cried.. haiz.. quite pity her.. kinda sian aso.. den time was quite early.. den went daniel house.. in bus sitting with her.. still okok ba.. not veri special aso.. see superstar thingy.. she was veri interested.. from tt moment i feel far from her.. so went home like 10 plus.. walked kai jing home.. she was talking with kai jing den raymond after kai jing left.. den suggested to have a jog to the bus stop den walk.. i passed by sharon's house 2 times.. i tot of her den went quiet after jogging.. while walking, only raymond and angie do the talking.. i was like transparent.. my mind was else where.. reaching raymond house there went to the chinese physician there ask for pricing.. raymond and angie want to consult abt their spine.. i was there tinking of nth.. i was tinkig maybe acc angie to wait for bus but raymond volunteered and the bus came shortly.. when angie board bus and raymond goin home.. i ran from raymond house there back home.. who i really loved? angie or sharon? i keep asking myself to make a choice and dun keep drifting.. i really wan like wad kai jing say.. settle down in a relationship when i am in poly.. i tink is not a bad idea after all.. however i cant make a choice.. i feel tt i am jus like a homeless soul drifting around.. sharon is my first love but i cant forget her.. angie is someone whom i am very happy with when i was with her.. i really dunno.. who i really loved? who? Who? WHo? WHO? WHO?!?
230306---sucks lah.. sms u abt tml de thing den nv reply.. den call mi and tell mi ms tan call den ask u abt ajc de thing how.. i mean like u tell mi le den so what.. it doesn't makes any different.. wtf.. tml morning go srjc den until now haven even settle meeting time den all tt.. den jus now in msn say ms tan actually ask us to go sajc den change back to sr den ask mi go myself.. wtf.. si bei blur and not organise.. feel veri pek che.. ask u anything aso dun wan to ans.. till tis moment i hate u.. ms tan jus call and ask mi go alone.. y mi? y not angie.. forget it ba.. i wun go de lah.. waste my time.. si bei sian..
230306--- WTF ar!! si bei sian.. muz fa xie ar!!!! jus now msg ppl aso nv reply wan.. online maple aso sian.. i am gettin tired of all tis!!! jus now some one called.. it was angie.. i tot finally something interesting goin to happen.. den she told mi abt tt ms tan called her and blah blah blah.. den end call liao.. -.- tmd.. she called my jus to say all tis?!? between us, other than work study nth can talk liao ar... duno lah.. hack care.. den after tt another call.. junda calling to ask abt tp de thingy... i not the info booklet!! how would i noe?!? realised i become quite short temper huh.. myabe is koping inside house for too long de side effect ba... AHHH!!! SIAN!!!!!!! time pass so slow..... arrgghh....
210306----late in nite.. family all sleep le.. i jus cant sleep.. tml maybe meeting angie in early morning 535 to give out flyers.. haiz.. i have a lot of things bottled up in my heart.. jus borrowing tis blog space to say out everything.. maybe i will feel better..
i really duno why i exist? i duno y do i live for? does anyone really noes mi well? does anyone really noes wad am i tinking and feeling everytime? i dun feel tt i live for the sake of myself and my dreams.. i feel tt i simply live for others.. i have no objective in life.. simply a failure.. like say relationship or friendship ba..
friendship
maybe everybody sees mi ask having a great bunch of friends.. wun be lonely.. tt'y maybe be true when i was with chu jun tt grp (friends of 6).. it was veri fun.. we separate soon.. after tt was mr and ms.. it was still ok.. not long enough few of them went their separate ways.. dey have sch, leaving mi and yb.. during the holidays den i realised tt my friends was veri few.. i only can contact angie and yb.. if dey are not free, i will be alone.. lonely and rotting at home most of the time.. it was veri sian though.. my life was like shyt.. alone..
relationship
till now i loved 2 1/2 gals before.. maybe will be tinking y got 2 and 1/2? continue reading and u will noe.. first was sharon.. i loved her a lot.. but she left mi after 2 weeks and 2 days.. we nv meet up.. i missed her lots.. one of the things i do for ppl is the o levels.. i studied for it not for my own sake.. it was for sharon's.. i wan to get gd results and get into the same sch as her.. now, my wish was grant.. however i feel veri empty.. she treat mi coldly.. i doubt she would say hi if we see each other in tp.. haiz..
second was mel.. sometimes out of sudden duno y i wun go see my box.. which contains all the things and photo we took.. it was sweet.. i even have the urge to stead with her back.. but.. after serious thinking.. i feel it cant cos i cant commit to her totally 100%.. sharon will always be in my memories.. i cant chect myself and mel.. athough she quite rough, but i noe she meant no harm.. i break up with mel is aso not for my sake.. is for sharon's.. i cant forget her..
the 1/2 was angie.. recently we were veri close.. went through a lot with her.. but whenever she nv reply my msg, ans my calls, i will feel veri strange.. i asked a lot of ppl for opinions.. mostly of them say i fell in love with her.. but i always tell myself.. i cant possible like angie, such a childish gal.. somemore she does not meet my requirement.. however when i wad with her irregardless of single or grp, i am veri happy.. i wish the happines will be there always.. like wad rx say, lame and childish makes a gd match.. does it makes sense? recently she sore throat le.. kinda worried for her.. does it really means i really like her.. i duno.. i aso dun dare tell her.. choosing my course is aso not for my sake.. is for angie and yb.. cos dey choose too.. hoping to get into same course and even class.. but tis dream dash.. can someone tell mi do i really fall in love with her? oh my god!!
other than tis things i duno y i live? live for tis ppl nia.. if dey are gone one day, what can i do? do i live for dem or myself? i duno.. can somebody understand my mood? god, pls help mi!!
si bei sian.. actually wan bloging somewhere else.. but feel tt own wan better.. done quite a few posts so maybe can cut and paste here ba.. haha.. actually done quite a lot of thinking and things tt happen tis few days.. see for urself ba..
