Friday, March 24, 2006
210306----late in nite.. family all sleep le.. i jus cant sleep.. tml maybe meeting angie in early morning 535 to give out flyers.. haiz.. i have a lot of things bottled up in my heart.. jus borrowing tis blog space to say out everything.. maybe i will feel better..
i really duno why i exist? i duno y do i live for? does anyone really noes mi well? does anyone really noes wad am i tinking and feeling everytime? i dun feel tt i live for the sake of myself and my dreams.. i feel tt i simply live for others.. i have no objective in life.. simply a failure.. like say relationship or friendship ba..
friendship
maybe everybody sees mi ask having a great bunch of friends.. wun be lonely.. tt'y maybe be true when i was with chu jun tt grp (friends of 6).. it was veri fun.. we separate soon.. after tt was mr and ms.. it was still ok.. not long enough few of them went their separate ways.. dey have sch, leaving mi and yb.. during the holidays den i realised tt my friends was veri few.. i only can contact angie and yb.. if dey are not free, i will be alone.. lonely and rotting at home most of the time.. it was veri sian though.. my life was like shyt.. alone..
relationship
till now i loved 2 1/2 gals before.. maybe will be tinking y got 2 and 1/2? continue reading and u will noe.. first was sharon.. i loved her a lot.. but she left mi after 2 weeks and 2 days.. we nv meet up.. i missed her lots.. one of the things i do for ppl is the o levels.. i studied for it not for my own sake.. it was for sharon's.. i wan to get gd results and get into the same sch as her.. now, my wish was grant.. however i feel veri empty.. she treat mi coldly.. i doubt she would say hi if we see each other in tp.. haiz..
second was mel.. sometimes out of sudden duno y i wun go see my box.. which contains all the things and photo we took.. it was sweet.. i even have the urge to stead with her back.. but.. after serious thinking.. i feel it cant cos i cant commit to her totally 100%.. sharon will always be in my memories.. i cant chect myself and mel.. athough she quite rough, but i noe she meant no harm.. i break up with mel is aso not for my sake.. is for sharon's.. i cant forget her..
the 1/2 was angie.. recently we were veri close.. went through a lot with her.. but whenever she nv reply my msg, ans my calls, i will feel veri strange.. i asked a lot of ppl for opinions.. mostly of them say i fell in love with her.. but i always tell myself.. i cant possible like angie, such a childish gal.. somemore she does not meet my requirement.. however when i wad with her irregardless of single or grp, i am veri happy.. i wish the happines will be there always.. like wad rx say, lame and childish makes a gd match.. does it makes sense? recently she sore throat le.. kinda worried for her.. does it really means i really like her.. i duno.. i aso dun dare tell her.. choosing my course is aso not for my sake.. is for angie and yb.. cos dey choose too.. hoping to get into same course and even class.. but tis dream dash.. can someone tell mi do i really fall in love with her? oh my god!!
other than tis things i duno y i live? live for tis ppl nia.. if dey are gone one day, what can i do? do i live for dem or myself? i duno.. can somebody understand my mood? god, pls help mi!!
